Letters to Lily
by multiplicities
Summary: The Marauders plan to play a trick on Snape, but they need someone that he trusts for it to work. Who else can they turn to besides Lily?


_Let's play a prank on Snivellus!_

_Really, you two._

_Come on, Moony. You know you want to._

_What are we going to do?_

…_And so on. Lily didn't know why they'd approached her._

_No, that was wrong. She did know. Snape had called her a Mudblood._

_Her._

_So much for best friends._

* * *

Dear Lily,

I know that writing to this journal is no replacement for you.

That's the lesson you're trying to teach me by giving this to me, right?

So I'll admit it. I was wrong. I'm sorry.

Okay?

Severus Snape

_

* * *

Just a journal._

_Just a journal with a Protean Charm on it cast by James Potter, who was excellent at Transfiguration, though she hated to admit it._

_Though they didn't think Snape would accept it from any of _them_, and they were right about that, of course._

_How nice of Snape, to admit that he was wrong to a journal._

_How fortunate that she kept the other journal – the one that would reveal what he had written in it – charmed to look like her history textbook._

_She wouldn't make up with him until he apologized face to face._

_So there._

* * *

Dear Lily,

Today Potter and his friends cast curses at me.

You were there.

You watched.

And did nothing.

I think that hurt more than their hexes.

Why did you give me this, then? I thought it was a way to show that you wanted to be friends again.

I don't… get it.

Severus Snape

_

* * *

From what she had seen, Snape was actually better than Potter at Defense against the Dark Arts._

_Or rather, he was better at the Dark Arts._

_Potter's insults of Death-Eater-in-training…_

_Was she wrong about him? Was Snape just like those people, those Slytherins, Voldemort's followers that she'd heard about?_

_So it wasn't wrong to read his private thoughts._

_It couldn't be, if it would tell her whether or not her one-time best friend was a monster._

* * *

Dear Lily,

You don't like Avery and Mulciber, but they offered to help me with Potter. Considering that he has…what, three other people for backup? And you think hitting someone from behind's wrong.

I thought about refusing – why would I need Lucius Malfoy's goons for protection when you're here? – but you're not.

Not here, that is.

You're with them.

Laughing and tossing your beautiful red hair.

You're eating with them, smiling with them.

I guess it's easy for you, right?

People gravitate to you naturally because you're kind and wonderful.

That's what I… _like_ about you.

But you treat everyone that way, right? Because you're nice to everyone. Even weird, ugly Slytherins.

I _hate_ that.

Severus Snape

_

* * *

It was for a project with Remus._

_But then she'd gotten caught up in the dynamics of the Marauders – cheerful as they were, friendly as they were._

_Even Potter could be charming, when he really tried._

_What's wrong with that? Sometimes she gets tired of studying and having people stare when interacting with a member of a rival House._

_And yes, she is capable of making friends._

_She doesn't need to rely on him._

_Never mind that she misses the smell of potion ingredients and lank black hair swinging beside her sometimes._

* * *

Lily,

Do you remember when you first saw Hogwarts?

You still had a little drool on your chin from dozing on the train.

Your robes were a bit messy, too.

But.

The way your eyes _shone_, the way you smiled and held my hand tightly when we were in the boat…

Hogwarts is grand and beautiful and I love it too.

But I was staring at _you_.

I don't like the way Potter stares at you. He doesn't watch your face when you're laughing or smiling. He tends to look… um, lower.

It's been so long since we've been together.

And what does pride matter, after all?

Severus Snape

_

* * *

He apologized to her._

_Finally._

_And she accepted, because that's best friends do._

_She also remembers when they were younger, and Severus would show her everything he knew how to do magically._

_He was so happy, being able to cast a miniature fireworks display for her with his mother's wand that she'd smiled too._

_He'd tell her about centaurs, and spells, and wizards, and everything she'd ever dreamed of and more._

_So that's why they would put the argument behind them. So long as he never called her a Mudblood again._

_Severus wasn't one of the Death Eaters._

_As flattering as having Potter pay attention to her, she thinks she likes silence and comfort better._

_Besides, there's nothing attractive about smelling the sweat of a hardcore Quidditch player._

_However, there are others that don't seem so happy about seeing the two of them back together_

_And even though they're talking again, she doesn't want to tell him how the journal works._

_Maybe she should just throw it away._

* * *

Lily,

Let's stay together after we graduate.

A Potions Master has already accepted me for apprenticeship.

You said that you're planning to work for the Ministry or maybe become a Healer.

So I could get a flat, or something, and we could live together.

N-not that I'm asking for anything more than friendship.

Trust me; I'd never do something that you didn't want me to do.

Severus Snape

_

* * *

Mulciber said that Snape had taught him the spell._

_Mulciber was too thick-headed to invent it himself._

_Potter had nearly died._

_This _Sectumsempra…

_It definitely looked like Severus' handiwork._

_She didn't know what to do._

_Because he hadn't denied it._

_And she would not live with someone she couldn't trust._

* * *

Lily,

It's been so long.

So… how's the Order of the Phoenix? He Who Must Not Be Named is getting stronger, and the Order's losing members, not gaining them.

I heard that you faced the Dark Lord three times. I can't imagine it, and I wish you'd let me protect you.

But you're stronger than I am.

So I will trust in your strength, because you're too alive to be killed.

Not that I care. As long as you're safe, the rest of them can all die, as far as I care.

And sometimes, I dream of something fatal happening to Potter, so that you would come back to me.

I apologize, because I know that you'd hate that. And it would cause you pain.

But I can't help my dreams.

There's this old bat, called Trelawney, who was interviewed by Dumbledore. You'd have made fun of her, I think. Those glasses, that jewelry…

At any rate, she made a prophecy.

That a rival to the Dark Lord is approaching, one born those who defied him three times. And yes, I told him what I heard.

For your sake, I hope that your baby will not be born in July.

And you would hate me for this, but… I pray that the child will not be born at all.

Severus

* * *

Lily,

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I_- Lily._

You're dead. You're dead, _dead_, and if I hadn't – if I had been – if only –

If I had never existed, then would you still be dead?

I'm so sorry, I wish –

Why didn't I _realize_ it?

As long as you're alive and well and _happy_, I'd do anything. Everything.

But you're _dead_, and I'd rather have you happily married to Potter with dozens of children than _this_.

But you're dead and I'm not and _why am I alive in a world without you_?

I don't think I'll ever be happy again.

Lily.

I _love_ you.

I don't think I'll ever stop loving you.

Severus


End file.
